I Can Do It Myself (Not): Beyond Self Sufficiency

August 18, 2009 3:37 PM

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.” Thomas Merton

Maybe you’re a bit like me.

I pride myself on being self-sufficient. I feel empowered by the ability to solve problems, repair equipment, and complete projects on my own. I love going to a strange city and giving correct directions to tourists as if I were a longtime resident. Still, self-sufficiency gets in my way sometimes.

There was the time week I decided to upgrade the RAM in my desktop computer. I had done it before and expected it to be a cinch. This time, however, it was a struggle from the start. (That was a hint. I didn’t take it.)

I struggled until I snapped a fitting. Shortly after that, I re-discovered the easy way to insert the chips. I fit a couple of chips in with ease and encountered struggle again when I attempted to add chips to a hard-to-reach corner. Did I stop? No. 72 hours and countless crashes later, I went hunting for (and found) a good Mac technician.

As much as I love being able to pull my own maintenance, there comes a point where doing it all myself is not effective. Perhaps there is a clue in the quote above from Thomas Merton as to how we might discern when self-sufficiency is empowering and when it is limiting.

I invite you to join me in this inquiry over the next few days: “Am I living life as a mystery or a problem?"

Please share your thoughts by clicking here or on the comments link below.

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Comments

One of my favorite maxims is "The sum of the parts is greater than the whole," which naturally refers to how much more we can do together by sharing skills and talents. But lately I've been discovering that "the sum of the parts can be waaaaaaaay less than the whole" as people who insist they can do things outside their expertise, even when someone else is offering to help.

I don't feel that the mystery of life and problem solving are mutually exclusive, but I do feel that when we work together to solve problems we can reveal so much more of the mystery of life.

Posted by: Michael Bissell at August 19, 2009 9:32 AM

Good point, Michael. I suspect that problem solving is hard-wired into our brains. I know that life would be less rich for me without Sudoku. ;-) Mystery and problem-solving do not need to be at odds with each other.

What I love about your observation is the insight into how working together can reveal more of the mystery. Thank you for that.

Posted by: Molly Gordon at August 20, 2009 10:36 AM

Perfect timing, Molly...even after 10 years! Just this morning I was doing some internally griping about the challenge of dealing with my office space, the cost, the maintenance, the tenants. All of a sudden I woke up! I'm sitting in this charming little 1920's bungalow that I'm working to develop into a wellness center in the midtown area of Sacramento. Which do I want to focus on - the problems or the mystery of how God's going to create something really fabulous here? I'll choose the mystery! (despite that old discomfort!)

Posted by: Shawn Murphey, Chief Joymonger at August 20, 2009 3:11 PM

Hi Molly,

Lovely post; I couldn't agree more. One of the earmarks of successful entrepreneurs is the ease and grace with which they leverage others' contributions.

I especially appreciate that you've added the invitation to mystery. What if Accidental Entrepreneurs (I love this term of yours) were to operate in gratitude - as you do? I suspect that the rewards would include help as well as mystery.

Posted by: marsha shenk at August 21, 2009 8:45 AM

Hi Molly,

Lovely post; I couldn't agree more. One of the earmarks of successful entrepreneurs is the ease and grace with which they leverage others' contributions.

Posted by: marsha shenk at August 21, 2009 8:51 AM

Hello Molly. I sat down at the computer a while back and decided to look for guidance. I am 42 and am finally brave enough to say that I am an artist. See I said it and no little voice in my head said. "Are you?" I found myself on the Byron Katie site. I had told myself that my guidance would make it self obvious. So first the problem solving and then the mystery. Your site Shaboom. My name Sharon. My nickname BoomBoom. So here I am. I love your site and would like to take this opportunity to thank you for it. Do you still work on Byron Katie? I am interested in this.

Posted by: Sharon Hoffman at August 21, 2009 10:15 AM

Shawn! you old joymongerer, you. A big hug and kiss are winging their way to you right this minute. Mmmmmm, it feel so good to be connected. And I have no trouble believing in your wellness center, nor, I suspect, does God. ;-)

Marsha, thank you for bringing in gratitude. I used to keep a stack of thank you cards on my desk. I'd send 3 or 4 a week. It certainly put me in the happy place from which it was possible to grown my business with less effort. It reminded me that, even when I think I am doing it on my own, I'm not.

Sharon, welcome! I continue to use The Work of Byron Katie (tm) in my courses and coaching. It is such a powerful method of Inquiry. The truth really does set us free, even if, at first, it may piss us off. :)

Posted by: Molly Gordon at August 21, 2009 10:34 AM

Molly,
Such a wise path of discovery you are allowing us to share with you and so well-stated. In this so-called Connected Age where more people are working and living alone yet connected in non face2face ways the need grows to understand the underlying psychology + behaviors that keep walls up.

And what are the ways we see around us to collaborate, share and grow? Your safe place here is a splendid site to have this conversation.

This I believe: that when we bring out the better side in others we lift "us" up to the possibility of creating greater things together. We savor more moments. We can become happier and higher performing together.

Posted by: kare Anderson at August 26, 2009 11:35 AM