What art tells us about life

I frequently use art as a metaphor for living life wisely and well. There’s The Art of Living, an exploration of how we are designed to live creatively and joyfully and the potential for waking up every day like children eager to paint on walls and splash in mud puddles. (Imagine!) There’s the Reboot Your Life Creative Immersion Retreat I’m doing with my friend, Cherie Ray, at the end of the year. For over 20 years I’ve been coaching people to be visionary (even revolutionary) and effective, whether they are corporate executives, music teachers, or boat builders. In every field, the fundamentals are the same.

The questions we ask ourselves to help us live wisely and well invite different answers when we ask them as if we were making art. When we realize that human beings are inherently creative it just makes sense to lean into this way of thinking about our challenges and opportunities.

 

The critical difference between wondering and chasing wonder

The critical difference between wondering and chasing wonder

I’ve posted about wonder as the key that unlocks state of mind and the beautiful distinctions between confusion and wonder as ways of not knowing. In this video I point the the critical difference between wonder as a noun or concept and wondering as a verb or way of being in the world.

Who doesn’t love the experience of wide-eyed wonder? When we experience wonder, our minds are open and free, available to insight and fresh thought. We have a keener appreciation for beauty, a sharper awareness of all there is to be grateful for. But when we try to make that experience happen, we may innocently chase a concept of wonder rather than engaging in the act of wondering.

What shows up for you? Let me know in the comments. ♥

 

On messing up

On messing up

Some years ago I made a horrible mistake. (And yes, I’ve made tons of mistakes since then; this is just the one that comes to mind in the moment.)

I was president of a local arts organization, and in that role I was making the rounds of galleries during an Arts Walk. I was particularly struck by the quality of work in one gallery, and I said as much to the owners, who introduced me to the artist.

And then I said, “What’s a talented guy like you doing in a dump like this?”

I didn’t notice at the time that it wasn’t funny

I didn’t notice that my remark had gone over like a lead balloon. As I look back, I see that I wouldn’t have noticed because the same self-consciousness that gave rise to my insensitivity kept me from authentically connecting with the other people in the room.

I might never have noticed but that the gallery owners sent me a letter of complaint.

I was horrified and defensive

I got home late one night to find the letter. I was horrified and defensive. The gallery owners were being unreasonable. They had no sense of humor. They should have known that I had intended no harm.

I wanted to believe those things, but somehow I couldn’t quite settle down behind that interpretation.

I went to bed with a disturbed mind, and as I lay there, I got curious about what was behind my upset.

And then I saw the first piece.

I couldn’t resolve the gap between our realities

I truly had meant no harm, yet I saw that they truly had been hurt. I couldn’t resolve that gap.

I also had no clue how to avoid making a similar mistake in the future. How do you apologize for that?

If I acknowledged the reasonableness of their position, I would need to do something about being a smart-aleck, and I felt powerless to accomplish that.

It seemed to me that I lacked a key ingredient for a sincere apology, and that was insight into how to prevent a recurrence.

And then I saw the gift I’d been given

In a flash I saw that the key to having better awareness in the future was taking in feedback in the present.

I didn’t need to be able to second guess other people’s reality. I could simply care, invite feedback, and rely on willingness to do better and the ability to learn to do the rest.

I got out of bed and wrote an apology. I said that I had felt both horrified at causing hurt and that it had been unintentional. I told them that it was unintentional not to defend myself, but to underscore that in no way was my remark related to my experience of their professionalism or contribution to the arts.

I then thanked them sincerely for caring enough to complain and told them that, but for the feedback of friends like them, I would feel helpless to see what was clearly a blindspot.

Life gives us what we need

More and more I see that life gives us what we need.

Life, in the form of circumstances, experiences, and people, will give us exactly what is required for our next itty-bitty evolutionary step.
This is how we learn to walk, to talk, to love.

The less personally we take it, the easier the lessons go

It appears to me as I write that the less personally we take these lessons, the easier they are to learn. But you know what?

We’re going to take things personally until we don’t.

Like walking, talking, and loving, we learn not to take it personally as we go.

If you’d like to have an easier time with the lessons life delivers, consider The Art of Living

The Art of Living is a 12-week encounter with magic, meaning, and the in-built human capacity to evolve. Together we will explore the deeper intelligence available to every human being, an intelligence that can guide you in the creation of what you want in life, whether you think it is possible at the outset or not.

Almost everyone who has done this work for me comes back for more–not because they need more in order to be whole, but because they finally realize that they don’t need a thing. Participants report greater ease, optimism, and resilience. They feel better about themselves and their lives. They experience massive reductions in anxiety, second-guessing, and analysis-paralysis. And when they do get caught up in those things, they know how to find their way back home to peace of mind and clarity.

The next session begins November 9. Click here for details. Gift pricing.

“What now?” versus “What next?”

You know how sometimes you seem to just know what to do, and other times planning goes sideways? The harder you try to get clarity, the murkier you feel?

Sometimes when we seek clarity in the moment, we innocently confuse ourselves by looking too far down the road. We confuse fortune-telling with listening for guidance. If you find yourself spinning as you contemplate what comes next, play with allowing your mind to quiet and asking, “What now?”

Not, “What are the next three things I need to do?” But simply, “What now? What’s showing up right this moment?”

Look for yourself

You don’t have to believe that asking “What now?” will work better than “What next?” Just let yourself to notice if there is something about this that sounds or feels right. If there is, allow yourself to be inclined in the direction of that feeling. The value isn’t in the words or the formula; it’s in that feeling you get of being somehow more connected.

Let me know what shows up. As always I welcome your comments, questions, and push back.  And if this has been helpful, please share it with friends and colleagues using the social sharing buttons on the left. ♥ 

For deeper engagement with your own knowingness, check out The Art of Living

The Art of Living is a 12-week virtual mash-up of teaching and group coaching. In a small group (maximum 12), we will tap the deeper intelligence available to every human being, the intelligence that will guide you in the creation of what you want in life, whether you think it is possible at the outset or not. The intelligence that provides the answers, regardless of what questions you ask. 🙂

Starts November 9, 2017Click here for details.

Can you have a quiet mind even when you’re really busy?

Most of us live in the illusion that it’s difficult to have a quiet mind if you are really busy. We have grown accustomed to the idea that busy-mindedness is a natural consequence of being busy. There is an implicit assumption that some amount of stress, pressure, and tension simply go with the territory of having a lot to do.

Well, it ain’t necessarily so. There is no inherent stress, tension, or pressure in having a lot to do. The stress, pressure, and tension come 100% from Thought, not from circumstances.

Given that many of us live in a culture of busy-mindedness and are steeped in the habit of expecting a busy mind to go with a busy life, it is natural that we would fall for the illusion that the stress, tension, and pressure are coming from the outside. But they just aren’t.

You can “do busy” without being busy-minded

Most of us live in the illusion that it’s difficult to have a quiet mind if you are really busy. We have grown accustomed to the idea that busy-mindedness is a natural consequence of being busy. There is an implicit assumption that some amount of stress, pressure, and tension simply go with the territory of having a lot to do.

But stress and busy-mindedness don’t come from having a lot to do

Stress, tension, and pressure are not an inevitable product of having a lot to do. The stress, pressure, and tension that we feel, when we feel them, come 100% from Thought, not from circumstances.

You can test this for yourself

Most of us can readily think of times when it seemed like stress was coming to us courtesy of our circumstances. Yet when my clients give themselves space to reflect, they invariably find instances when they were extremely productive and juggling multiple calls on their time and attention without being busy-minded.

That couldn’t ever happen if stress was actually inherent in certain situations, experiences, or circumstances.

It’s easy to overlook

We may overlook the absence of stress for the simple reason that we aren’t wired to notice what isn’t there. Yet the more you reflect, the more you are likely to observe multiple times each week when you handle what is right in front of you in the moment without being preoccupied by all the other possible things you might be doing, have just done, or could be doing next.

Play with it

Play with it. See if you can recall times when you have had a quiet mind even though you have had a lot to do. Then see if you can remember times when you have had a busy mind with lots of stress and tension even though you didn’t necessarily have a lot to do. (Don’t get me started!)

Then tell me what you observe. As always I welcome your comments, questions, and push back. If this has been helpful, please share it with friends and colleagues.

If you’d like to do more with less busy-mindedness, check out The Art of Living

The Art of Living is a 12-week encounter with the possibility of high engagement and low stress. In a small group (maximum 12), we will tap the deeper intelligence available to every human being, an intelligence that will guide you in the creation of what you want in life, whether you think it is possible at the outset or not.

Starts November 9, 2017Click here for details.

 

Things happen for a reason. Really?

“Things happen for a reason.”

You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. Maybe you’ve said it; I certainly have. And today I realized that it’s not all that helpful.

Maybe things happen for a reason; maybe they don’t. As my mentor George Pransky likes to say, “That’s beyond my pay grade.” In other words, I don’t actually know.

What I know down to my toenails is that things happen. And really, it’s more useful to keep our attention on that simple fact so we can resources we can encounter, experience, and respond to what happens, as it happens, with our whole selves. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to divert attention we can use for that to figuring out the cosmic reason or lack of reason for what’s going on.

Sure, in quiet moments, it can be interesting, even rewarding, to muse about why things happen. But on a go forward basis, it probably makes more sense to simply notice that things certainly do happen and that human beings are designed beautifully to respond.

What comes up for you? Tell me about it! Please comment. ♥

Join me for The Art of Living: Rediscovering Magic and Meaning in Life and Work

The Art of Living is a 12-week encounter with magic, meaning, and your innate resourcefulness and resilience. Together we will tapping into the deeper intelligence available to every human being, an intelligence that will guide you in the creation of what you want in life, whether you think it is possible at the outset or not. Starts November 9, 2017. Click here for details.

Pin It on Pinterest