Beyond the door to coaching mastery

Beyond the door to coaching mastery

For the past several years I’ve been exploring, articulating, and deepening coaching mastery. While I’ve been coaching, training new coaches, and mentoring expert coaches on the path to greatness, I’ve reflected deeply on what makes coaching work (when it does), what makes it different from other modalities (when it is), and—most of all—what coaching reveals about being human and how we can more fully collaborate with the intelligence emergent in life to live wisely and well.

I’ve also been listening to other coaches. Some have become frustrated or jaded, even bored. Others are excited about coaching, but puzzled about how to integrate spiritual and psychological insights with what they’ve been taught they can and cannot do as coaches. In particular, coaches in the Three Principles community grapple with the “right” way to work in light of their new understanding. Do they “teach” (conventionally a no-no in ICF coaching circles) the Principles? Do they set the Principles aside at the risk of depriving clients of deeper engagement with their own wisdom? Can you be a “Three Principles Coach” and an “ICF coach” at the same time?

Rather than writing about these issues from the point of view of an expert, I’m going public with how I engage these questions in actual coaching sessions. You’re invited to join me for Without a Net, a series of three Zoom-based coaching demonstrations by yours truly followed by group reflection and discussion.

I approach these sessions as an explorer entering unknown territory, not an expert showing you what I discovered last week or last year. I’m interested in what we can see together at each fresh intersection of infinite formless possibility and finite choice. 

Dates and Times
#1: Wednesday, November 21, Noon-1:30PM PST
#2: Tuesday, November 27, Noon-1:30PM PST
#3: Wednesday, December 5, Noon-1:30PM PST

Click here to register for Without a Net. A limited number of half price tickets are available for those who cannot afford the $250 fee. Email me for a discount code.

Each Without a Net session will be 90 minutes long and will be recorded for the private use of participants. All participants are required to honor client confidentiality and to neither share nor discuss the coaching outside of the session. If you are interested in being a client for one of these sessions, email me at molly@shaboominc.com.

Love,

mollysig125

Where the heck have I been and what’s next?

Oh dear, I haven’t written a newsletter or blog post since June 3rd. That’s no way to stay connected, and I apologize if you have wondered what the heck was going on.

The simple truth is that, rather like a cat, I’ve been suiting myself, following my inclinations so long as they did not harm anyone (not that cats actually seem to worry about that), and for whatever reason, those inclinations didn’t include a newsletter or video.

It’s been a rich time filled with both work and play. I love coaching, teaching coaches, and developing coaches (aka mentoring) more than ever. I also love my life more than ever and have been blessed with deep appreciation of each moment most of the time.

How cool is that?
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I’m grateful to the readers who reached out recently to say, “what’s up? Where are you?” I feel incredibly fortunate that you are in my “reality web.” Please know that you are always welcome to reach out via email, Facebook, or any other channels that we have in common. I care about what you are up to and what you are up against. I welcome your questions, insights, and requests.

Mount Rainier seen from Sunrise

A few weeks ago The Charming Prince and I visited Sunrise Park on the slopes of Mount Rainier. This photo offers the merest glimpse of the majesty of that spectacular and holy place. I share it here as an image of the profound appreciation I feel these days for all of places in our lives and work. For whatever reason I find myself struck often by beauty and holiness, and not always in obvious places. One reason I’ve been silent these past months is that I’ve hesitated to in any way limit, constrain, or define this experience.
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Next week The Charming Prince and I are headed to Paris. I anticipate returning home with an even fuller heart and lots of energy for work. Perhaps that work will include expressing what has been unfolding in my heart through the summer and connecting it to the work we do as coaches and coach trainers. Stay tuned. ♥

Is it you?

Are you my next client? ♥

Are you my next client?

It’s funny, after 22 years of coaching, I’ve gotten out of the habit of letting people know when I have room for new clients. Today is the day to get back in the groove.

Beginning in May, I have room for three new clients. If you’ve thought about working with me but hesitated for any reason, now’s a great time to schedule a discovery session. We’ll talk about what would make coaching the best decision you ever made (I mean, why not, right?). What would you have be different in your life? What dreams are you ready to step into? What old patterns, habits, or beliefs would you like to leave behind?

There’s no cost or obligation for a discovery session, and I will not ask you to make a decision about coaching on the spot. (Ick.) I want this to be right for both of us. Click here to learn a bit more about how I work and to request a discovery session.

Love,

mollysig125

100% Responsibility: It’s Up to You, and It’s Not on You

Baby with mirror meeting itselfI’m participating in Michael Neill’s 90-day Creating the Impossible program, which has recently been released in book form. Some other time I may share what a hoot it is that I would do this. The very name of the program would have once given me hives.

But I digress.

This week, Michael asked us to reflect on how much responsibility and control we have for creating our impossible projects. Another way of saying this is, “What percent is up to me, and what percent of accomplishing my impossible goal is up to Mind/Life/God/The Universe?”

I landed, to my surprise, on 100% up to me and 100% up to the Universe. And 50/50 is not the same thing as 100/100.

  • It’s not up to me to make the right choices (even as to my goal). How could I know? Nor is it up to me how my actions work out. How could I know?
  • It is 100% up to me to choose and act (or not) moment by moment, day by day.
  • It is 100% up to Mind/Life/God/The Universe to generate or give rise to the possibility of choice and action.
  • For all I know it is 100% to Mind/Life/God/The Universe to move me to choose or act and make it look like I moved.
  • And it is still 100% up to me.

100% responsibility is the essence of freedom. Who knew?

I’ve never before seen 100% responsibility as so fundamentally freeing. I can (100% of the time) show up for this goal or not. What showing up for this goal looks like will vary, and it may include times of inaction. It’s always up to me (innocently) as the local agent of Mind. I can do a crap job of it, and it’s up to me. I can do a great job of it, and it’s up to me. Oddly, it’s not up to me to know what is going to make the difference between a crap job and a great job (how would I know in the scheme of things?). And it’s still up to me.

For the first time in my life I see “up to me” as the simple fact of the matter and not the basis for an indictment or praise. I’m the hands, the eyes, the voice; it’s up to me, and that includes choosing to still my hands, look away, and be silent.

Click here to learn more about my impossible project, making the Three Principles the foundation of the International Coach Federation (ICF) definition of coaching and Core Coaching Competencies.

Click here to learn more and purchase Michael’s book, Creating the Impossible.

Patience is a byproduct of understanding how the mind works

Patience is a byproduct of understanding how the mind works.

The mind has an innate capacity for clarity and creativity. That’s our default state but for the moment to moment experience of personal thinking. When that thinking innocently creates an insoluble problem, the personal mind tends to ramp up, work harder, and increase pressure. This is like spinning your tires when you car is stuck. If you keep it up you shred the tires.

When we understand that mentally spinning our wheels (ruminating over frustration, anger, resentments, etc.) always results in shredded mental tires, we naturally discover the “patience” to allow our minds to settle down. It takes no more effort to choose to settle down than it takes to remove your hand from a hot stove.

[A minimally edited transcript follows]

I just finished a conversation with my ongoing Art of Living group. We were looking at patience. One of the folks in the group commented that it looks to her like one of the keys to living wisely and well, and working wisely and well, is to cultivate patience.

We had been talking about how each of us has a perfectly functional GPS, internal guidance system, that delivers information, inspiration, and guidance that is formulated specifically for each moment in our lives and work. We often innocently muck it up, because we have a head full of personal concepts about what we should be doing, where we should be going, how fast things should be moving, or in some cases that things shouldn’t be moving so fast. We muck up our capacity to respond wisely and well in the moment, because we’re innocently imposing a lot of assessments, opinions, worries, and analyses that aren’t actually contributing to the quality of the data and insight at hand.

In response to that, one of my clients said, “Well, that takes patience. So many times in our meetings, I’ve written down, ‘Patience, cultivate patience.'”

What I said to her is, “It looks like it’s patience, but patience is a side effect of understanding how life works, understanding how you work, understanding how you work optimally. When you understand how you work optimally, it’s natural to exercise restraint when you recognize that you’re not optimized.”

It’s natural to not pick up the phone and make the angry phone call when you have a deep recognition that that isn’t likely to work. You don’t really have to restrain yourself by an application of will if you know it won’t help. You may still want to, you’re just as angry, you’re just as wound up, and it just doesn’t make sense to make that phone call.

socks don't require patience, they require understandingPeople often tell me that they wish they could knit, but they just don’t have the patience. That’s always puzzled me. I don’t have patience either. It would drive me crazy to wait for a sock to get done. But I don’t wait for a sock to get done, I make socks. I don’t wait while I’m working on a sweater for it to be finished, I’m making the sweater. I’m engaged in it. There is no waiting, no patience required. No patience required, because I understand how the sock is created and I understand my role in that creation, and I’m good with it.

When it comes to taking action in life but being frustrated in the process, we are going to be more effective when we understand how the mind works. If we allow the mind to grind away, analyze, and ruminate, it’s like spinning our wheels when the car gets stuck. We can spin our wheels and shred the tires, or we can look for a way out of the stuckness. Spinning our wheels and shredding our tires just doesn’t make sense to most of us after we learn that spinning your wheels will shred your tires. Patience (the willingness to stop spinning the wheels and look for a better way) is a byproduct of understanding.

Understanding doesn’t necessarily prevent frustration, but it prevents amplifying the frustration. When we see that we can use our minds to ramp up our frustration levels or allow our minds to quiet, it just makes sense to us to choose the latter. We don’t have to work at it; we just see that it’s a better option.

New options and ways to move forward emerge when we tap into our intelligence, our understanding, and recognize what doesn’t help. This may not sound like a big deal, but recognizing what doesn’t help in a deep and profound way takes a lot off your mind. When you’ve taken that off your mind, so many things that we think of as skills (patience, acceptance, wonder, creative thought, making new connections, looking for a new way, being open-minded) emerge naturally out of the intelligence that we’re part of.

When we understand how life works, when we understand that there’s a certain state of mind in which we’re tire-spinning, and we recognize that trying harder from there will only shred our tires, when we understand that, even if we don’t know yet what to do instead, we can plug into the intelligence to stop spinning, in that space, every time, some new possibility will arise.

If you try to manage the emergence of  new possibilities, you’re doing a subtle kind of tire-spinning. It takes some insight and some appreciation of when you’ve had this going for you in your life to trust the process and allow fresh possibilities to emerge. You can cultivate a feel for spinning your tires and not spinning your tires mentally. You know of times when you’ve done tire-spinning and when you haven’t done tire-spinning. Let yourself notice and appreciate how natural it can be to recognize the difference and exercise your free will to choose the better option.

I’m saying that all you really need to know is that not spinning your tires reconnects you to new possibilities and new options. While you’re spinning your tires, you can’t see beyond your current thinking. As soon as you stop spinning them, you become available to new solutions. You’re not in charge of the timing. You’re not in charge of the nature of the solution. The more deeply you understand the difference between spinning your tires and opening your mind, the more quickly and simply you’ll notice that next steps emerge. They may or may not look like full-blown solutions, but you’ll always see a next immediate step. That’s always an improvement over shredding your tires.

I’d love to hear where this lands, what lands, what doesn’t. So email me or comment. Thanks for watching!

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