How to succeed at self-employment when you aren’t a superhero, a rockstar, or a guru

wonderwoman.jpg
What if Wonder Woman’s crown is too small for an ordinary mortal?

What if thinking you should be a superhero or a rockstar or a guru is actually cramping your style, keeping you small?

What if trying to do it all is ruining (harsh word, and it may be true) your biz?
It’s worth thinking about.

It all began with a daily ritual (this is important later)

Lately I’ve been steadfast in a daily ritual: meditation, Focusing (www.focusingresources.org), and prayer. When I Focus, I drop inside and let my body show me what’s cooking underneath my regular awareness. It’s like a check-in, only more complete.

Today, what showed up was pressure around my brow with the associated image of a too-tight Wonder Woman’s crown.

A super hero’s crown too tight? That was weird. but I sat with it and here’s what I got.

You’re actually bigger than a superhero

With all the noise about successful people being rockstars and gurus these days, it’s easy to get seduced into believing your need to be some kind of super hero to succeed.
When the truth is you’re already bigger than a superhero, a rockstar, or a guru.

Believing that only superheros succeed keeps you small, because it squeezes out all the foibles and quirks and talents that make you the unique gift to the Universe that you are. When you believe you’re supposed to have super powers, the powers you do have are crammed into the margins. You’re so focused on what you are not, so busy comparing yourself to others, that you lose touch with the brilliance you’re designed to manifest.

It doesn’t feel like you’re bigger than a superhero. It feels like you aren’t big enough. Cool enough. Connected enough to succeed at more than a middling level. You never get to experience yourself as gloriously effective and gifted.

Surprise: you don’t have to get out of costume

My first thought about Wonder Woman’s crown was to yank it off. But I realized that yanking off a super-tight crown would hurt, which seemed like a move in the wrong direction. Somehow, the way to relief and integration had to be different, though it took a few minutes to find it.

So I sat until I sensed that the crown would be looser if the tiny muscles around my face and head softened. I imagined gentling myself, relaxing, and receiving–here’s the cool part– support.

Support is everywhere

Mmmmm… Sweet support. Not distraction or hiding to escape the pressure to succeed, but simple, always available support.

Support from rituals like the one I was practicing in that moment. Support from eating well, not because I should, but because I’m receiving nourishment. The support of spending time with friends, of asking for and receiving help from colleagues, of breathing when I am anxious or wired.

You get to keep the costume

My first thought was that once you relaxed into support, you were supposed to take off the crown. But I saw that you can stay in costume once you settle into support. It’s no longer a constraint and a judgment. It’s a playful way to express yourself in the world just the way you are. An archetype that, well, supports instead of impedes you.

Relaxing is not escaping

Relaxing into support is not the same as escaping pressure through distraction, contraction, or hiding. It’s not numbing yourself with eating, computer games, or oversleeping. (All of which I know intimately.)

It’s about waking up to what’s already there for you, even when the chips are down. It’s about trusting the resources and support you do have instead of straining to be different.

Ritual is the royal road to support

Relaxing into support is easy when all is well. But Wonder Woman’s crown isn’t a problem when things are going your way. What you need is access to support when you’re tired and discouraged. When you’re feeling less-than.

And that’s where ritual comes in. Simple daily rituals connect you with support, even when you don’t feel inspired or connected. Rituals won’t always cheer you up or give you energy, but they will keep the channel open.

When the channel of support is open, the down times are shorter and you learn more from them. It’s a bit easier to detach from your inner critic. You don’t take the bleakness quite so personally.

You’re all the super hero you ever need

You have what it takes to do more than middling work. To earn more than a middling income. You don’t need to be any bigger than you are to enjoy the life that is just-right for you.

So go ahead, play with your super hero costume. But wear it lightly. It’s not really the source of your power.

Back Story: Wonder Woman Confesses

Before Focusing today, I was worried about two projects. One is getting The Goldilocks Strategy home study kit out into the world. The other is building this year’s Self Employment Telesummit.

I was big-dealing both of these. Imagining that I needed to make a big splash, be cooler and more talented and more efficient than I am.

Way to get stuck, Molly.

Now I’m downsizing the whole thing. With my crown askew I hereby invite everyone who wants more clients to check out The Goldilocks Strategy for Getting Clients that Fit Just-Right. It’s a proven system for reaching the right clients with the products and services they want from you.

And, as you’ve come to expect, it’s not your garden variety, in-your-face, marketing and sales process.

It’s rather fun, affordable, and it works.

The 2013 Goldilocks begins May 8. It comes with a full year of monthly teleconferences, break-it-down emails every 7-10 days, a private Facebook group, and all the content (audios, workbook, mindmaps, transcripts) from the original course.

Oh, and it’s only 15% of the original price. No kidding. CLICK HERE for details.

Photo credit: bbaltimore via flicker
Under a Creative Commons License

9 Comments

  1. Giulietta Nardone

    Hi Shaboom,
    Great post! Love the “fits just right” concept. That’s the whole point, we opened our businesses to do our own thing, then many of us get caught up trying to duplicate someone else’s business.
    Make your business your own! Then it will feel just right. Not everyone wants to be a gazillionaire or create an empire. Me? I want a fun biz playground to romp around in …
    Thanks! Giulietta

    Reply
  2. Naomi Niles

    You make me smile! Thanks, Molly. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Marti

    Molly–this was the support I needed this morning. My crown is pinching my head, restricting my blood flow and giving my a ginormous headache today! Off to do yoga for an hour, find my center and then rock on. Thanks for the perspective I needed to remember.

    Reply
  4. Bob Beverley

    How right you are, Molly, about our super-hero
    fantasies making us miss the unique spins and golden moments of our own journeys. Right on!
    Bob Beverley
    http://www.dear-tiger.com

    Reply
  5. Susan D

    Maude is so happy to see you and Wonder Woman getting along so well… :<)

    Reply
  6. Cynthia

    I always enjoy and love your insights. Thank you Molly.
    Yes in this time and age where women are more independent and daring (thank goodness, the Victorian age is over) most of us suffer from the notion of being too independent,too aggressive. And you are right, I can still embrace the thought of being one of those heroes, relax and use that to my advantage. After all, I really don’t mind being a Wonder Woman! I love the costume. I won’t dare giving away my crown!:D
    CYNTHIA

    Reply
  7. Vicki

    Thanks for this, Molly! I needed to hear this so much! My last year has been about trying to fit into someone else’s WonderWoman suit! I’d even decided not to try to make a coaching biz anymore. What a relief to hear you tell it straight!

    Reply
  8. Patricia Erskine

    Hi Molly, Thanks for Goldilocks and all your other resources. You are amazingly creative and prolific! If you add a Facebook tag to the Goldilocks page (did I miss it?) I’d be pleased to endorse it on my Facebook wall.
    ~Wishing you well, Patricia

    Reply
  9. Molly Gordon, Self-Employment Coach

    You guys are so wonderful. Thank your for affirming that each of us can have a business that fits “just-right.” That we don’t have to live any larger than is right for us. That it IS possible to live in your own skin and thrive.

    Reply

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