Nothing Is Expected

In mid-July I had a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. I went into surgery feeling peaceful, calm, and confident. I came out of it feeling ravaged, confused, and sad. The hardest part of that was expecting myself to feel differently. Here are some reflections on what that is teaching me.

As always, I welcome your comments!

7 Comments

  1. Sheila Bergquist

    As usual, your attitude amazes me and inspires me. I love what you said here and it hit home for me in so many of my own situations. Thanks once again for your brilliant insight. I’m so glad you are feeling better and hope it’s smooth sailing for you from here. xoxo

    Reply
    • Molly

      Thank you so much, Sheila!

      Reply
  2. Char Brooks

    Wow!!

    The depth of your insight about yourself and your process WHILE you’re in it, and your ability to articulate it so clearly – there just aren’t words for what you’re “pointing at” but I can feel it and see it in your eyes.

    The whole “Who is expecting” piece and “I shouldn’t mind”. . . . . very well said.

    I have expected myself not to mind a million things in my life. At the same time, when it comes to physical pain I am absolutely insistent that health care providers do anything and everything to get rid of it – even if it makes me tired. And I also insist that my team give me something if there is even a slight chance of having nauseau because I dislike that so much.

    I have gotten it down in terms of making my wishes known before the procedure as well as at the time.

    Where I trip up is letting it go afterwards or anticipating it so much beforehand that I freak out.

    I have some expectation that my freak outs have “freak out rules”. Needless to say they don’t.

    What I’m learning as I age is that no matter what I say or do I am never forsaken. It’s that unstainable goodness that our friend Jen Louden talks about. In my case, I believe that there is a Higher Power that knows more than me and that I am always – no matter what – loved and held. Freak out, freak in, or calm and centered.

    Thank you for helping me express these thoughts – your sharing was amazing.

    Reply
  3. Christine Smith

    Beautifully put Molly. The 14th Century Christian mystic, Julian of Norwich famously said “all shall be well, all shall be well, indeed all shall be well” – interesting her need to repeat it 3x!! But it reminds us that all is as it should be, even what we perceive as negative stuff, painful stuff. I wish I could bottle that understanding and label it, ‘Sip when Required’.
    with love

    Reply
    • Molly

      Exactly, Christine. And I just made a video, which I’ll be posting on Friday, September 18, to the effect that the “everything” in “everything is okay” includes US feeling like we are not okay. 😉 For me, that opens the doorway to compassion and lovingkindness.

      Reply
  4. Sue

    Hi Molly, you don’t know me but I’ve been getting your information and newsletters for years and feel I know you! My heart just broke when I read about your situation and as always, I am inspired to read and hear how you are working thru. Many blessings to you and kudos for all your courage in showing others how to live. You are one beautiful lady.

    Reply
    • Molly

      Thank you, Sue!

      Reply

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  1. Expectations cause pain and disappointment... — Magnolias West - […] My thoughts are inspired by my friend and mentor Molly Gordon. She talks about expectations and how they keep…

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